Danny Dufrense

Guess I come across pretty hyped up about all this? It’s not that I’m enjoying it, you know, I’m not one of those Norwegian black metal guys. I don’t, like, get off on death. But it feels like all my life I’ve been waiting for this to happen. I’ve read the books, watched the movies, played the games… buried a survival kit in the backyard. Now this is happening, it’s really happening, the freakin’ zombie apocalypse. And people are freaking out, so I can really do something. I can help make things okay again! Well, not like you, this is like your day job. Saving the world and stuff? Putting your life on the line and the needs of others before your own? Right? Right? You could work on your outfit a bit, though. I’m just saying. It’s a bit weak for a superhero. I could, like, show you some sketches after we’ve gotten through this? I’m thinking mask, black leather, no cape. Capes are so out this year.

So this is not your average, everyday zombie outbreak. Sure, we got your basic shamblers and runners, but they don’t just bite, they do other stuff, like…special effects stuff. And then there’s the tanks – like, you know, bug hulk zombies, not zombie tanks with wheels. That would just be goofy. But…kinda cool. We also got zombies rising from the ground, not just ocean. Some of them must be, like, fifty years old. Older. I mean, this isn’t a big town. If it was just living folks turning, you couldn’t even call it an army of darkness. It’d be a scout patrol of darkness. But the weirdest thing? No matter how you bust them up, they keep coming back. Mrs Creed, she roasts them like marshmallows. Pastor Henry buries them in the churchyard. Edgar, he… Well, you don’t want to know what Edgar does. Next thing you know, they’re coming out of the fog. Again. Over and over again. Sucks to be us.

Yeah, the Mutant Smurfs? Not my idea. That’s Edgar. I think he even collects Smurf figures. He’s a bit weird, but he’s totally cool once you get to know him. He’s real funny. Just stay away from those dogs, Tango and Cash. They’re evil. Carry biscuits. Carry lots of biscuits. I did some research on those blue things. Did you know they’re from, like, Viking mythology? They were called Draug, and they’re the ghosts of the dead lost at sea. Heh, don’t ask me what Vikings are doing in Kingsmouth. I’m thinking ancient blood curse. It’s always a curse. I like having a name for the monsters. Better to think of them as something with a name, something that was human once, you know? In a way, that’s a lot less scary than Smurfs. Smurfs have no humanity whatsoever.

How’s having superpowers working out for you? My friend Carter, she has some real Sam Krieg novel stuff going on, it’s pretty wild. Like, any girl can give you a drop-dead look, only she could probably do it for real. But she’s not like that at all! She won’t even kill plants. I’ve given up on asking her to. For someone with powers, Carter is totally normal. She does get steamed about the weirdest things, like me going out alone… but she’s not the only one. Sheriff Bannerman wants me back at the station by curfew. Like being out past dinnertime is a big deal when the dead walk the earth? I may not be able to shoot fire or melt faces or, you know, jump my own height. But I’m a good runner. I’ve read all the right comics, and I’m, like, great with wires and motors and microchips and stuff. “Necessity is the mother of invention,” right? I’ve already rigged a bunch of defences around the town, so watch your step, I figure every superhero needs a brilliant inventor. I’ve got that much to aspire to. I’m the geeky sidekick. Yay.