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Scrapyard Edgar

Posted by Jemm on September 17, 2014
Last updated by Vikestart on September 17, 2014



Edgar's Scrapyard (610,675)









Known Associates

Tango, Cash, Norma Creed, Deputy Andy


Edgar can be found in Kingsmouth, where he operates the local scrapyard.

Born in Solomon Island, he grew up at the Overlook Motel, which is situated on the Savage Coast. His parents owned the motel, and he worked there for a very long time before the arrival of Wicker himself.
That's when things started to get bad. Screaming at night, knocking on the walls coming from empty rooms, guests disappearing. The town folks heard of it, and the motel had to be closed.
After that and his father's death, his mother moved to California, leaving him behind in a town full of people he despise.

Nowaday he only feels safe around his two Dobermans, Tango and Cash. They guard him and his scrapyard from the zombies as well as from the townies that spent their entire life talking behind his back, expecting him to fail at everything and treating him as such.

The Fog

Couldn't tell you much about the day that goddamn fog rolled in. I 'member seeing it out in the bay, thick and dark, like pea soup. I went outside for a look-see, you know, and then everything went black. I woke up the next morning back in my trailer, splittin' headache, like sharp things were crawling around inside my brain. Tango barking like crazy and Cash, starin' at the door like sumthin' spooked him good out there. Sumthin' big...and stinky. The fog took the whole town, or most of it, replaced 'em with smurfs and frankensteins. I call 'em frankensteins on account of the movie, see? Dead men walking, get it? And the smurfs? Big blue bastards with spikes and claws, and those walkin' brains, runnin' the whole fuckin' freak show. Jeez.

Not that it made much of a difference 'round here. Town was filled with vermin and whores and devil worshipers long before that fog rolled in. Sure, you got your survivors back at the sheriff's office. That Bannerman lady, Andy...and that big guy, the outsider, with the bike - wa-what's his name? Elk? Deer? Give's a shit. Then there's Hawthorne, the pastor, that's not a man you should trust, let me tell you that. He's got skeletors in his wardrobe. I'm telling ya, I'm telling ya the truth. And that gypsy fortune teller, if she's still alive, the harlot. Never slept with me, he-he, slept with half the town though, 'cluding the shrink, sheriff's husband. Bannerman, hell. As for Norma, she's awright, but... I feel a whole lot safer out here alone with my hounds.

It's not the first time we've had an incident 'round these parts, now. I seen things, bad things, slimy things. Things with a hundred sharp teeth, a thousand black eyes and terrible thoughts that chew and claw their way into your brain so that it hurts like a mother fucker and makes your nose bleed and gives you terrible nightmares. And they stay there. They never, ever leave you.


I'm a gen-u-ine local, grew up right here on Solomon Island, just south of town, at the Overlook Motel. Used to be nice down there. Red oaks in the forest, beautiful ocean view...Place all boarded up these days, been that way since those guests just up and vanished, and those lights and knocking sounds at night, screams...

Word of mouth got around, people stopped comin' and we had to shut down. Now that whole business at the motel started when the Englishman disappeared. Never saw the man again. Left all his luggage n' everything. Didn't even pay up. Wicker, I think his name was, I think, I think it was Wicker. Yeah, his room smelled like cigarettes, and booze and sulfur, and English stuff, you know. And there was this sticky black stuff all over. I remember, 'cause I had to clean it up afterwards, heh.

By that point, my mama had enough, what with Pa dying n' all, and then Henry and...and Tom Dexter. So she left for Florida, said I had to fend for my own from now on. At least I had the scrapyard. Been runnin' that ever since.

The Scrapyard

Everyone always told me I'd never amount to much, everyone 'cept my mama and Tom. Tom Dexter's his name. Now he believed in me. Tom always believed in me. Then he died, and I had nuthin'. Nuthin' but his memories inside my brain. And the yard. Of course I had the yard and my dogs. And my projects. I always got my projects.

Those fuckers back in town? They'll be howling a different tune when they watch me ride outta here, wavin' my handkerchief, blowin' exhaust up their tight assholes. Fuck you! They gonna be sorry for treatin' me the way they did, callin' me a retard a-and badmouthin' my mama. Gawd bless her soul. They're gonna pay for what happened to Tom Dexter, I'll tell ya that too, I swear on my life.

I got a list for my bus, it's a short list for a short bus. Hee-hee. Goddamn, I'm funny. It's got me on top, of course, then my dogs, Norma, I mean, Mrs. Creed, she's on there. Andy, if he asks nicely, with politneness. The Widow Franklin, she's welcome to have a seat. Eeeh, the injun fella - Red - yeah maybe him too. The rest of 'em? Devil worshippers, whores, liars and cheaters! They can watch the rest of us roll outta here, over the bridge and through the fog. They can rot in here until the Day o' Judgement. Until the day o' Exodus.

Quantum Mechanics

Jay-sus Christ, do I look like a college professor? I aint' got no fancy words. All my gene-i-us is in my hands, and franklies they got neither the time nor patience to be splainin' shit to you.

Just don't give up do you? Look, quantum motors, is just motors. Except you don't see the motor. You following? Gotta shut your eyes and focus on the sub-and-tonics of things.

You see the itabities, they go in one end. Then godzillions of tiny li'l gears start grinding up against each other. And then - Poof! - you get these bitatities shooting out the other end!

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